Love Without Conditions, Can We? | Chicks with Choices

Welcome!?It?s day #4 of a two week book review series. To win a fabulous free book, just make a comment on this blog post and your name will enter the drawing (click here? for more information).

Book Choice #3:?I Love You Unconditionally?On One Condition: Everyday Choices for an Extraordinary Marriage, by Joey O?Connor, which is one of my four giveaway books!

Today?s book review is unique in that we have the?benefit of hearing from the author in a Question and Answer interview at the end of this post. First, however, it is my pleasure to write this review, a book that I believe gets to the heart of marital dysfunction and an author I have been blessed to get to know.

I confess, I don?t?like books?on marriage.

The Teacher devours them (maybe that?s why our marriage is so good ), but most of them are too left brained for my taste. Five step, how-to type books and I do not get along. Pray for this rebellious spirit in me, but part of the aversion comes from my belief that only?as you develop your personal walk with Jesus do you grow your relationships with others.?I could learn how to treat my husband until I?m blue in the face, but if I?m not getting my deepest needs met through my Jesus relationship it?s all for naught.

That?s why?I like Joey?s book.?

Below are?a few key quotes?from Joey?in regard to the importance of our relationship with God. Please note that these are pulled out of a book packed with story and application. It?d be easy to skim past the?wisdom communicated in these three quotes. Don?t! These are rich!! Might they even help your marriage today!??

?I believe the core problem of men and women struggling in their marriages is the absence of clear spiritual identity. We are broken people who don?t know how to love very well, because we either don?t know who we are or have forgotten who we are. Even as beloved children of God, we spend many of our days propping up a false sense of self, being and doing what others want us to be and do.?

?Everything in us hungers for the yes of God. And it is only by responding to the yes of God that we begin to understand what it means to say yes to the kind of unconditional love our spouses crave in the deepest part of who we are. Your yes to God enables you to keep saying yes to one another as you continue your journey together through the peaks and valleys of life.?

?The greatest gift we get to open every morning of our lives is the good news of God?s unconditional love. But for some people, good news becomes old news far too fast. That?s why I sometimes wonder if boredom in marriage is tied to a ?been there/done that? boredom with God.?

The other reason I find?Joey?s book on marriage valuable is the obvious fact that it continually??addresses the importance of choice.

There is one common denominator in all the failed marriages that The Teacher and I have witnessed: poor choices! People are wandering down some crazy paths, while there are others who make countless seemingly insignificant choices that end up filling a room that leaves no?space?for a spouse. Joey says: ?It is our choices, the choices of our spouse, and the ever-shifting circumstances encountered in day-to-day living that create and contribute to the ever changing climatic conditions of our relationships. Marriage is a lot more than love alone, and it requires far more than you and I ever imagined when we first began the journey.?

I don?t think anyone sets out for their marriage to fail. We have good intentions? they just don?t get us very far. The same can be said for parenting! We seem to understand the need for effort in?our professional world and spend many hours at business conferences in a hungry attempt to further that profession, but what about the relational/heart training in our lives? Why are we surprised when so many?don?t work out?

It is with wit and wisdom that Joey walks with you through the twisting, turning complexity of marriage and he uses countless practical stories from his own marriage to leave you feeling like you?ve just had a tall glass of refreshing tea with an understanding friend, under a?California sun.

Love without conditions, can we? No. And it?s?refreshing to be told so?

? but I believe?after this good read and?help?from the Holy Spirit, we can (choose to)?come?a bit?closer to loving unconditionally!

Before we move into our Q & A with Joey, here?s your question of the day (remember a?comment enters your name?for a?free book, the first being Joey?s!):?

You have two minutes to share advice with a couple you just met (& who are struggling in their marriage) What advice would you give them??

Author Q & A:

1) Why did you choose to write I Love You Unconditionally?On One Condition: Everyday Choices for an Extraordinary Marriage?

For some time, I?d been thinking about how much of marriage is lived in the valleys of day-to-day living.? I wanted to explore the metaphor of ?mountain-top experiences? and what it means to live in the more mundane world of everyday life. Our culture has a crazy way of promoting this idea that couples will always ?feel? in love or that their ?soul mate? will somehow complete them. When I looked at all the qualities of love in 1 Corinthians 13, it is very clear that, ?No, that is not how the world works. These qualities are day-to-day choices that will make or break our marriages.? So, in writing this book, I wanted to fill it with practical and fun stories people could relate to, while at the same time, look at what God?s word has to say about how to become more loving.

2)??How would reading this book help couples become better decision makers within their marriage?

There?s another book I want to write called, ?1001 Choices.? Not a real sexy title, I know, but I think couples become better decision makers when they step back and look at all the choices they have to make in a single day. Thinking about what I say, how I say it, what I do and what I don?t do requires good thinking and right action about how we relate to our spouse. Any couple, any marriage can get into a rut when one or both spouses become complacent. My hope is that this book gets couples thinking about the simple, everyday choices they need to make a better marriage.?

3) Could you share one concrete example of how you and your wife make decisions within your marriage?

One simple thing Krista and I try to do is practice flexibility with our choices. Like any other couple, since we?re both different people, we?re going to have different preferences. On any given issue, we try to listen to one another and gauge how important the issue is to one another. I am learning I just don?t want to spend a lot of emotional energy over things that are simply not worth arguing. Every marriage has its hot buttons and each couple needs to decide what matters most.?

4)?Personally (now in our mid-40?s) my husband and I are overwhelmed by the number of hurting marriages in our midst. If you had only a few minutes to sit down with any one of these hopeless couples, never having met & most likely never to meet again, what would you tell them?

Practice truth, humility, grace and gratefulness towards one another. These qualities cover a multitude of sins. Easy to say, hard to do.?

5)???The focus of Chicks with Choices is to help (women) uncover the unique path they were meant to live. From a male perspective, in what way(s) have you discovered your own unique path and what has been your journey toward uncovering it?

Now that?s a loaded question! This is one of the reasons why I started my blog to explain some of my journey and help others in their way as well. Briefly, through a lot of physical chronic pain, the help of good friends, and listening to patterns I see play out in my walk with God time and time again, my life has been a lot about reconciling an inner conversation I have between God and myself as well as the conversation going on in the world around me. The key theme I keep coming back to is finding my identity in Christ and Christ alone. Being centered in Christ is the key to how I love my wife, kids and the world around me.?

Joey O?Connor is an award-winning screenwriter, author, pastor, film producer, publisher and retreat leader. He is the author of I Love You Unconditionally?On One Condition: Everyday Choices for an Extraordinary Marriage and eighteen books for couples, parents and young adults.?

You can visit Joey O?Connor?s Art, Life & Faith blog for all his thoughts on creativity, the writing life, the arts, walking with God, and relationships: www.joeyo.org

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Source: http://chickswithchoices.com/blog/?p=1426

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